In this British survival thriller, a group of friends reunite in the West Indies for a pre-wedding boat trip that quickly turns from hen do to shark don’t.

Something in the Water is a stupid name when the body of water in question is the ocean, where there are presumably several things in the water. It makes more sense at the start of the film, when the central couple (Hiftu Quasem and Natalie Mitson) are victims of a homophobic attack. Could this actually be a shark movie about something other than sharks? Is the something in the water homophobia?

Nope, turns out it’s just another shark movie, where the characters continue their interpersonal squabbles and petty relationship drama undeterred by their friends getting eaten in front of them. They should have called it The Shallows.

While it is refreshing to find a film written, produced, directed and edited by women, Something in the Water is plagued by megalodon-sized plot holes and predictable beats, even killing off the black character first; a particularly weird move given the deliberately diverse casting of the group. The only twist is that the character called Meg isn’t secretly working for the sharks.

This is just one of many missed opportunities considering the sapphic aquatic setup and British flavour (S Club 7 are given a surprising amount of airplay), setting the stage for The Descent-style thrills and spills before descending into the usual survival fodder. But men have been making mediocre shark movies for decades so maybe this is progress. Maybe the something in the water was sexism all along.