Hostel
A pair of horny US college students (Jay Hernandez and Derek Richardson) go backpacking across Europe and end up in a Slovakian slaughterhouse, in this 2005 torture porno they should have […]
Paranormal Activity
A wealthy couple buys a camera to track paranormal activity in their massive house in Oren Peli’s 2007 snooze he should have called The Rich Bore Project. If The Blair […]
The Blair Witch Project
In efforts to make a film about local folklore, Heather, Mike and Josh (Heather Donahue, Michael C. Williams and Joshua Leonard) get lost in the woods in this 1999 pseudo-documentary they should […]
Pulse
Ghosts enter the living world through the internet in this 2001 J-horror they should have called Ghostbuffers. Pulse emerges from the techno-paranoid wellspring of 1998 classic Ring, updating its supernatural […]
Carry On Doctor
Doctors, nurses and patients run amok in the 15th Carry On film, the series’ equivalent of The Terror of Mechagodzilla. Being largely unfamiliar with the Carry On films, it was […]
Tetsuo: The Iron Man
A businessman transforms into a metal monster with a drill for a penis in this Japanese horror movie they should have called The Tokyo Groin Saw Massacre. In true Japanese […]
Conclave
The Pope lies dead. Cardinals assemble to jostle for his vacant slot without appearing to want it too much, like strategically shuffling towards the exit twenty minutes before the end […]
The Merry Gentlemen
Ashley (Britt Robertson) organises a male strip show to save her parents’ bar in this festive Netflix romcom they should have called The Lap-land Dancers. The movie opens with Ashley […]
Black Christmas
Black Christmas (1974) is a Canadian slasher flick about a sorority house quite literally going to pieces over the Christmas break, not to be confused with Black X-Mas (2006), Black […]
Something in the Water
In this British survival thriller, a group of friends reunite in the West Indies for a pre-wedding boat trip that quickly turns from hen do to shark don’t. Something in […]
Screen Goblin 