A Californian orphan (Hilary Duff) is saved from a life of working at her wicked stepmother’s (Jennifer Coolidge) diner when her online prince charming turns out to be her high school’s golden-boy quarterback (Chad Michael Murray), in this 2004 teen rom-com they should have called You’ve Got Male Privilege.
Ironically this attempt to modernise Cinderella using flip phones, chat rooms and cheerleaders ends up the most dated version of the fairy tale ever made, which is impressive for a story that dates back to Ancient Greece. A Cinderella Story moves the tale to the San Fernando Valley, but rather than clever Clueless-style Californication, the updates are stupid and offensive; the royal ball is a high school dance, the glass slipper is a dropped cell phone, the ugly sisters are redheads, and Cinderella’s dad is killed in the 1994 Northridge earthquake. Let the hilarity ensue!
Before his death in a disaster that killed 60 real people, the dad (Whip Hubley) tells our Cinderella surrogate: “Fairy tales aren’t just about finding handsome princes, they’re about fulfilling your dreams.” This dying message is apparently lost on Duff’s prince-obsessed character, unless her dream was to insult the memory of earthquake victims. Mark Rosman (who went on to direct William & Kate: The Movie) tries to distract from the film’s hypocrisy with pratfalls and fart gags, but not even Coolidge can wring much mirth from such brain cell-droppingly weak material.
Even if you can look past its cynicism, this film makes as much sense as a pumpkin carriage. Our heroine (who looks uncannily like the most popular girl in America) is ostracised because she works in a diner, while the quarterback is revered despite working at his dad’s car wash, where his father wants him to stay instead of going to Princeton. The football star also fails to recognise Duff at the dance because she is wearing the world’s tiniest eye mask, and he spends the rest of the movie looking for this mysterious classmate whom he sees every day. Good luck at Princeton.
If you’re wondering why I watched this film it was an attempt to entertain a child, and it was unsuccessful. Displaying nothing but contempt for its young female audience, A Cinderella Story is neither Cinderella nor a story. It did however get five straight-to-video sequels, which is a bit like discovering another five circles of hell.
