The Bridge on the River Kwai
Set in Thailand during World War Two, back in the days when the British could still teach the Japanese anything about engineering, a platoon of British soldiers are taken prisoner […]
Tag Archives: Retro review
The Talented Mr. Ripley
We look back on The Talented Mr. Ripley to celebrate Gwyneth’s Paltrow’s engagement, which she’s been plugging profusely on Goop. She’s always plugging something profusely. But sadly never her mouth. Appropriately enough, this […]
On iPlayer: A Hard Day’s Night
Not to be confused with A Good Day to Die Hard, A Hard Day’s Night is the first film featuring Liverpool’s most beloved band, Atomic Kitten. Eager to cash in […]
Clash of the Titans (1981)
When the infant Perseus (Harry Hamlin), son of Zeus (Laurence Olivier), is almost murdered by his adoptive father, he is sent on a mission to reclaim what’s his, save his […]
Beetlejuice
Not to be confused with the Simpsons episode The Bart of War, in which Bart and Milhouse consume Beatles-inspired soda drinks (John Lemon, Paul McIced Tea, Orange Harrison and Mango […]
Magic
Someone’s dummy starts to take over their life in Magic: The Melania Trump Story. Despite appearances, 1978’s Magic is not a haunted doll movie (Annabelle, The Boy, that episode of Buffy) but […]
Jumanji
As Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle stampedes the box office, let’s look back on the 1995 original, in which typically obnoxious Robin Williams character Alan Parrish (Robin Williams) discovers the worst board […]
Ju-on: The Grudge
This is the Japanese chiller from 2002 as opposed to the Sarah Michelle Gellar remake which I refuse to watch for the same reasons I won’t see the Naomi Watts Ring remake. I’m […]
Nashville
If I were to recommend a mostly-improvised 2-hour-40-minute film, more than one-third of which is country music, you’d probably say: “How did you get into my house?” But Robert Altman’s […]
Swamp Thing
After an explosion in his lab turns Dr. Alec Holland (Ray Wise) into the Swamp Thing (Dick Durock), he and government agent Alice Cable (Adrienne Barbeau) must evade capture by the evil Dr. Anton […]
Screen Goblin 