The Blair Witch Project
In efforts to make a film about local folklore, Heather, Mike and Josh (Heather Donahue, Michael C. Williams and Joshua Leonard) get lost in the woods in this 1999 pseudo-documentary they should […]
Tag Archives: Retro review
Pulse
Ghosts enter the living world through the internet in this 2001 J-horror they should have called Ghostbuffers. Pulse emerges from the techno-paranoid wellspring of 1998 classic Ring, updating its supernatural […]
Carry On Doctor
Doctors, nurses and patients run amok in the 15th Carry On film, the series’ equivalent of The Terror of Mechagodzilla. Being largely unfamiliar with the Carry On films, it was […]
Tetsuo: The Iron Man
A businessman transforms into a metal monster with a drill for a penis in this Japanese horror movie they should have called The Tokyo Groin Saw Massacre. In true Japanese […]
Black Christmas
Black Christmas (1974) is a Canadian slasher flick about a sorority house quite literally going to pieces over the Christmas break, not to be confused with Black X-Mas (2006), Black […]
50 Shades of Grey
A student (Dakota Johnson) falls for a wealthy businessman (Jamie Dornan) with a fetish for spanking women with unflattering fringes. Sam Taylor-Johnson’s 2015 adaptation of E. L. James’ bestseller is […]
Gladiator
Betrayed by the conniving Emperor Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix), Roman general Maximus Decimus Meridius (Russell Crowe) is sold into glad rags like Ben-Hur, Spartacus, Conan the Barbarian and Anakin Skywalker before him. […]
Paddington 2
Paddington (Ben Whishaw) ends up a bear behind bars after falsely being caught red-hatted stealing an antique from an irritating Jim Broadbent. This 2017 sequel bearnefits from Wes Anderson visuals […]
I’ve Never Seen… Paddington
10 years since the release of Paddington, it seems everyone has seen the pro-immigration bear movie except us and successive British governments. Paul King’s caniform classic follows a marmalade-loving bear […]
A December Bride
As today is Halloween, and most reviews on here are horror films, it is time for something truly scary: a Hallmark Christmas flick about an interior designer. This 2016 romance […]
Screen Goblin 