Six Days, Seven Nights

Alien vs. Predator. Freddy vs. Jason. Stallone vs. De Niro. Hollywood loves to pit its icons against each other in the name of “crossover” entertainment, ie. entertainment that crosses over into punishment. But few examples can compare with the ultimate clash of archaeology and palaeontology: Indiana Jones vs. Ross Geller. 

Whoever wins… we snooze.

Six Days, Seven Nights follows a couple (Anne Heche and David Schwimmer) whose romantic holiday goes awry when she and a pilot (Harrison Ford) crash land on an island, like some weird cross between Friends and LOST. But before you can say “They should have called it ROSS,” Ford and Heche have fallen in love for no reason other than she’s the only woman he’s seen in a week.

There are two women in this forgotten comedy from 1998: Ford’s initial girlfriend (Jacqueline Obradors) who’s characterised as slutty because she’s an exotic dancer and has an accent; and Heche’s affluent, blonde New York heroine whom he falls for despite her complete lack of personality and an age difference that redefines the term “carbon dating.”

Coupled with Ivan Reitman’s bare-minimum direction (“just be Han Solo” appears to be his only instruction), it’s easy to see why this paeleo-archeological rivalry over who gets to bone Anne Heche has long been buried.

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