Hellboy (2019)
Imagine if instead of making The Return of the King, New Line had started a new Lord of the Rings trilogy, featuring Milla Jovovich and a song by Muse. That’s […]
Tag Archives: crap
Johnny English Reborn
As if there weren’t currently enough reasons to be horribly embarrassed by all things English, Johnny English Reborn is now on Netflix. This 2011 sequel opens with Johnny English (Rowan Atkinson) […]
Tomb Raider
The world’s second most famous ass-kicking archaeologist is back, this time heading to Japan in search of her missing father in this reboot starring Alicia Vikander. Alicia Vikander? From The […]
Pitch Perfect
This is a competition movie about two a cappella singing teams, the Barden Bellas and the Treblemakers, at a university for the musically impaired. I hated this film and I […]
Origin Wars
We were drawn to Origin Wars by its almost comically generic title which seemed to promise either knowing irony or Judge Dredd style campy fun. But neither of these is […]
Battleship
When aliens invade the earth in giant sea vessels, a cocksure maverick in the navy (Taylor Kitsch) must find a way to fight them. A clear Transformers wannabe, Battleship attempts […]
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar
Three “drag queens” (Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes and John Leguizamo) take a road trip to California and end up stranded in Snydersville, a small town in the middle of nowhere. […]
Aquaman in 270°
Aquaman is the long-awaited sequel to that episode of The Office where Gareth wonders if there will ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark. For […]
Clash of the Titans
In ancient Greece, Zeus (Liam Neeson) and his fellow gods are dependent on the prayers of humans to survive, so when their creations rebel, a huge conflict isn’t far behind. […]
Misconduct
When corruption allegations surface following a drug trial gone wrong, hotshot lawyer Ben Cahill (Josh Duhamel) files a suit against big pharma CEO Arthur Denning (Anthony Hopkins) contrary to the […]
Screen Goblin 