Blade: Trinity

In David S. Goyer’s Blade: Trinity, Wesley Snipes is back to bother more vampires and second-hand DVD stores.

blade-trinity

Apparently Snipes went crazy on the set of this 2004 action threequel, locking himself in his trailer smoking pot, only answering to the name “Blade” and communicating with Post-it notes which he’d sign “from Blade.”

But he’s the least of the film’s problems. The plot is a mess, having something to do with Dracula. Though it’s not so much Whitby as witless. Unless you consider the insult “cock-juggling thundercunt” to be particularly witty.

Ryan Reynolds

Ryan Reynolds

Hoobastank

Hoobastank

The film shamelessly rips off The Matrix, with nothing to offer beyond laughable villains and unlaughable jokes. Speaking of which, why is Ryan Reynolds in this or any other movie? He looks like he’s just stumbled out of Hoobastank.

Compromising the franchise’s stylised bloodshed for a 15 certificate, Blade: Trinity tones down the horror and turns up the stupid. The result is a noisy, incoherent piece of Shitby.

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2 responses to “Blade: Trinity

  1. Pingback: Deadpool | Screen Goblin·

  2. Pingback: Suicide Squad | Screen Goblin·

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